Sibling Rivalry

Our kids are starting to compete for our affections. But they've got it easy because neither one is a celebrity.

At least not yet.

It must suck to be the brother or sister of a celebrity. No matter what you do, no matter what you become, your famous sibling gets all the press and headlines.

Top Five Celebrity Siblings I Wouldn't Want To Be

Honorable Mentions
Any Jackson not named Janet or Michael
Any Baldwin not named Alec
Any Presidential brother -- Jimmy Carter had Billy, Bill Clinton has Roger, Jeb Bush has George W., etc.

Here's the Top 5:

5. Christopher Ciccone
When you write a tell-all about your famous sister Madonna, life can't be good.

4. Brian Spears
Britney and Jamie Lynn are his sisters. And then there's his mom.

3. Kevin Farley
He can be found doing imitations of his dead brother Chris in Hertz commercials.

2. The 4th Jonas Brother
Yeah, there's a fourth Jonas brother. That pretty much explains why it sucks to be him.

1. Cooper Manning
It's bad enough his dad is Archie Manning, but the dude's brothers are Peyton and Eli, who not only have Super Bowl rings as quarterbacks of the Colts and Giants, but also have MVP awards from said Super Bowls. Think he's ever up for a touch football game at the family reunion?

Who'd I forget?

The Best Of The Rest (Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day)

Here's the final installment of Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day. For those of you who are new around here, it's my little experiment where I try to find fun and cheap things for my daughter and I to do this summer.

Lesson Five: The Best Of The Rest

I figured I needed to wrap this crap up before summer actually ends (posting a Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation article in September would be really lame). So here is the final batch of cheap things you can do with your kids this summer:

• Summer movie programs
  We're lucky enough to have two theaters in our area that show children's movies on certain days of the week at a heavily discounted price. One of the theaters charges $3 (but you also get a small Coke & a small popcorn) and the other one charges $1 (sneak in your own treats!). While there's a good chance you may already own the featured movie on DVD, it gets you out of the house for a few hours and there's no substitute for the moviegoing experience.
• Summer memberships
  Some museums, zoos, children's centers, and aquariums offer summer-only memberships. Once school kicks back in, you don't have any time to visit these places anymore, so why pay the extra money?
• Bookstores
  Many bookstores have special story times during the week. We hit one that has a story, milk and cookies, a game, a freebie, and an art project. It lasts about ninety minutes and is totally worth the price of admission (FREE!). And once you're done, you can browse the shelves for interesting books to check out at the library at a later date.
• Parks
  I load my daughter's bicycle in the trunk of the car and we hit the nearby park while Zed is in school. She plays on the playground for awhile and then hits the trails with her bike. And hell, I even manage to get some exercise walking beside her.
• Vacation Bible School
  Not my cup of tea, but I figured this might interest some of you.
  

So that's it. Hope you enjoyed this and got something out of it.

Did I miss anything? If you have any ideas I'm not aware of, please let me know in the comments.

Song of the day: World Shut Your Mouth by Julian Cope

When You're Writing About Your Kids, One Can Never Have Too Many Poop Stories

We all went out for dinner the other evening. As we were getting up to leave, I noticed a piece of chocolate cake smeared across the seat of my chair. I looked at the back of my khaki shorts and found that they were smeared with chocolate cake as well.

I didn't even have chocolate cake.

So I picked up a napkin and attempted to clean my shorts. I stupidly said, "Look, Zoey! It looks like I pooped myself."

Zoey yelled, "YOU POOPED YOURSELF?"

I could feel the stares of the occupants of the surrounding tables as they tried to catch a glimpse of my ass (which admittedly, happens a lot). I sat back down and tried to figure out an escape plan.

So I poured my drink on my lap. I figured a wet crotch would be more noticeable and society wouldn't frown on piss-stained clothes as much as shit-stained garments.

See how my mind works?

But it didn't actually come to that. After picking up the glass, I noticed Zed's diaper bag on the floor. I picked it up, slung it over my shoulder, and covered the stain on my pants. I held my head high as we walked out of the restaurant.

For one night, I was ecstatic that my son is still in diapers.

GHS: 6

Song of the day: Everything She Wants by Wham!

Fat, Drunk, And Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life, Son

The other day, I saw a sorority girl wearing a t-shirt advertising a golf tournament where the proceeds went to cancer research. The back read "Beating Cancer -- One Stroke At A Time."

Oh the double entendre!

I love sorority girls. Even when they're trying to do good, they're still a bit naughty.

Top 5 Fraternity/Sorority Movies
(Non-Porn Edition)

Yeah, I know. Not much of a segue. Delta Delta Deal with it.

Honorable Mentions
The House On Sorority Row
Hell Night
Night Of The Creeps
Fraternity Vacation
Three scary movies and an 80s sexploitation flick. Sounds like the perfect date night to me!

Onto the Top 5 (I'm leaving out descriptions because I'm assuming everyone has already seen these flicks):

5. PCU
This movie featured a very strange looking Adam Duritz Jon Favreau.

4. School Daze
Any chance you get to add a Spike Lee movie to a list, you take it.

3. Old School
"We're going streaking!" God, I love Will Ferrell. I'm a simple man with simple tastes.

2. Animal House
This movie was so great it spawned a half-assed TV show.

1. Revenge Of The Nerds
This movie was so great it spawned three half-assed sequels.

Wow. There are two Jeremy Piven movies on my list. He was in two of the movies I featured last week, too. I'm beginning to think I have a crush on him or something.

So what are your favorite non-porn fraternity/sorority movies? We'll save the porno titles for a future date.

Song of the day: Kyrie by Mr. Mister

Hell Yes!

Today is a good day.



Edited to add: I did not make this video. I just feel like singing this song today!