Attack Of The Angry Googlers

Here are some recent interesting/amusing/demented search phrases people have used to get to my site:

emo songs about unrequited love
Aren't all emo songs about unrequited love?

i loved hairbands in highschool
Me too. That's why I've been featuring them all week .

masturbation stuffed animals tips
Here's a tip: Don't.

proper response to testicle kick
Tears. Lots of them.

costumes 13 daughters
If I had 13 daughters, the only costume I'd worry about would be one for myself.

i'd hang these from my nipples but it would scare the children
God, I'd love to know what he/she was planning on hanging from his/her nipples. Maybe live crocodiles? (Thanks, Sarah!)

is there any song with the word vomit in it?
Yes. And it's being used to sell vehicles.

should my three month old be put to bed upstairs
Um, yeah if he's got a crib up there. If you're talking about the attic, no.

scanner "baby monitor" sex
Has phone sex become that passé?

does leprechaun visit houses like santa
Yes. But he will stop at nothing to reclaim his gold!

what do three roses symbolize
That your significant other is too cheap to spring for the other nine.

Here Are Some Searchers That Are Pissed Off In General

• people that aren't straight up really piss me off, people that lie piss me off
• women flirting at clubs pisses me off
• windows service pack 2 pisses me off
• wanna take your chance to be the next person to piss me off today?
• lazy ass people piss me off

Here Are Some Searchers That Are Pissed Off At Google

• you piss me off when i click on something and you send me to some bullshit site
• You Total Moron, by now you should Know That I Don't let smelly people type stuff in the google search!!

And Finally, Two Searches I Really Don't Want To Think About Too Much (But Had To Share Nonetheless)

• melissa rivers vermin in underwear
• why do buttholes turn purple

Song of the day: Everything About You by Ugly Kid Joe

An Interview With Spiffy Pictures

I've stated in the past that we're big fans of Noggin's Jack's Big Music Show (see here, here, here, here, and here). In fact, it's the only show Zed will watch (I have the only toddler in the world that doesn't like Elmo (and you have no idea how proud that makes me)). Shortly before Zed's second birthday, we were trying to track down ANY type of Jack's Big Music Show merchandise to buy as a gift. Unable to find anything other than the Season One CD, I went right to the source: Spiffy Pictures, the creators of Jack's Big Music Show. After exchanging a few emails, I asked them if they would be interested in answering some questions via email. They agreed (be forewarned: I've never done anything like this before).

Spiffy Pictures consists of David Rudman, Todd Hannert, and Adam Rudman. David Rudman is an Emmy Award-winning puppeteer who provides the voice of Jack as well as Sesame Street's Cookie Monster and Little Bear. Todd Hannert is responsible for set design and songwriting for Jack's Big Music Show. Adam Rudman is the head writer for Jack's Big Music Show and is a six-time Emmy Award-winning writer for Sesame Street and Cyberchase.

The three of you have been involved with children's television for many years. What made you decide to venture into the world of children's television?
It just kind of happened that way, really. We can't think of a good reason why! Great answer, huh?

What inspired you to make music the focus of the show?
It was actually an idea from Noggin to develop a music show. We're all music lovers, so it was right up our alley.

For the average episode, how long does it take to move from initial concept to finished product?
Another hard to answer question, Cynical Dad! To average each show out that way is difficult, but maybe... three months?

Can you describe your creative process?
What a cynical question! (kidding...) The three of us have worked together for many years, so it is pretty defined yet undefined. We do our best work just sitting around talking about funny ideas and go from there.

What has been your favorite episode so far?
We all have favorites, they're all like our children. That's a cynical answer from us :) Maybe the "Jack's Big Orchestra" episode?

How did Jon Stewart and Cheryl Hines wind up on your show?
They both love the show and watch it daily with their children! Pretty cool, huh?

Will there be a third season of Jack's Big Music Show?
We don't know about that at this point, as the second season is pretty new to everyone. Hopefully we won't wait as long to shoot new ones than we did for the first-second season. Even though our fans really stuck with us. Thanks!

Who would be your dream non-musical guest on Jack's Big Music Show?
I think we may have already had them! Jon Stewart and Cheryl Hines! They were sooooo great!

Who would be your dream musical guest on Jack's Big Music Show?
A 23-year-old Bob Dylan? Or maybe a sixty-year-old John Mayer?

Currently the only merchandise available from Jack's Big Music Show is the CD. What other types of merchandise will we eventually see in stores?
We think a second CD and a DVD with four episodes on it, one of them never seen before! (cool, huh?)

Will you be involved in the upcoming Jack's Big Music Show live tour?
We haven't gotten a green light on a live tour. But we would be, for sure.

Can you tell us anything about Bunny Town, your show in development for Disney?
Only that, really. It'll be both puppets and live action, and we think it's going to be pretty cool for all Jack fans.

Song of the day: Love Song by Tesla

See? I Told You My Kids Would Be Better Off If They Were Raised By Wolves!

I heard about it on the news this morning as I was getting dressed. According to a study released by the National Institutes of Health, children that spend time in daycare are likely to have more behavioral problems and worse vocabulary skills than those who do not spent time in daycare.

No worries, right? WRONG!

According to the parameters of the study, childcare was defined as scheduled care by anyone other than the child’s mother for at least 10 hours per week. Since I am a stay-at-home dad and my children spend an average of fifty hours per week in my sans-mom care, that makes me a childcare provider who is making his children more aggressive and less articulate by his mere presence.

So to all you stay-at-home dads, single fathers, and pops who spend more than ten hours a week with your children away from Mom's watchful eye: CONGRATULATIONS! WE ROCK SUCK!

According to the study, our children will be on par with their classmates by age eleven. They'll only be "normal" after they've been away from our evil clutches for five to six years. So there is hope for our poor children!

But I did manage to find a silver lining in this study. When I decide to reenter the workforce, I'll be able to put Childcare Provider on my resume to explain my 8+ year Lost Weekend gap.

Song of the day: Smooth Up In Ya by BulletBoys

Greetings, Professor Falken

Shall we play a game? The following words came out of my daughter's mouth today. Your job is to guess what the hell she was talking about.

"I'm going to go hunting in my butt so my teachers won't have to."

Any guesses? I'll give you a hint: it has nothing to do with bathroom responsibilities.

Update #1
No words were mispronounced either.

Update #2
So here's the story: We still use a car seat for Zoey. It's rated for sixty pounds and we feel they're safer than booster seats.

The buckle is at the front of the seat part of the car seat. When she first sits in the seat, she covers the buckle 99.9% of the time. When her teachers put her in the car, they often have to reach underneath her to find the buckle.

Yesterday when we were getting ready to leave for school, she pulled the buckle out from underneath her after I placed her in the seat. I told her, "You should do that for your teachers so they don't have to go hunting for it."

And she replied, "I'm going to go hunting in my butt so my teachers won't have to."

Song of the day: Shelter Me by Cinderella

Stuff Only I Care About XXXVII

Update: Frigid is the Word

That Carolina-Georgetown game was exciting to watch. For a team that was down by twenty points midway through the second half, it's amazing Carolina was able to come back and force an overtime session.

What? Carolina wasn't down by twenty? THEN CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY THEY WERE SHOOTING THREE-POINTERS EVERY TIME THEY CAME DOWN THE COURT?

Seriously. The hell? They were doing a great job of taking it to the hoop and drawing fouls (to wit: Carolina was 29 for 34 from the charity stripe). And then they threw the game plan out the window.

I told my neighbor before the game that Carolina's much better at playing from behind than they are at holding a lead. And today's game solidified my point.

In the final nine-and-a-half minutes of the game, Carolina shot 1 for 10 (six of those ten shots were missed three-pointers) from the field which erased their ten-point lead and forced overtime. In the overtime session, Carolina's dismal shooting continued as they went 1 for 14 from the field.

Oh well. A great season came to a sooner than expected end. Now the game begins: who will turn pro? Brandan Wright's gone but I really think (and HOPE) Hansbrough will stick around for another year. He wants that title too badly. I have no idea what Ty Lawson and Wayne Ellington are planning on doing. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Weekly Random Thoughts On The Carolina Tar Heels

That game against USC was insane. If you had told me before the game started that Tyler Hansbrough and Ty Lawson would only score nine points COMBINED, I would've expected them to lose by twenty. And they damn near did.

I was chatting with SciFi Dad at halftime. He asked me if I was nervous because UNC was down by nine. I told him, "No. If they're down by 10 with 5 minutes left, then I'll be nervous." That has been Carolina's modus operandi this season: stay close for thirty minutes until they eventually wear down the other team with their ridiculously deep bench (I truly believe their second five could've played .500 ball in the ACC this season).

But as the second half started and USC's lead grew to sixteen, I did become nervous. But then Carolina outscored USC 41-15 over the final seventeen and a half minutes (which included an 18-0 run) and all was right with the world.

On Sunday, Carolina plays a tough Georgetown team. Georgetown will try to slow down the tempo and control the boards, but the Heels will emerge victorious.

A Few More Random Thoughts On College Basketball

Duke's Josh McRoberts is turning pro. Like many of his Duke counterparts this year, McRoberts seemed too soft to play college ball , so I doubt he'll amount to much in the NBA. Just like most of his Duke counterparts.

Why is Jay Bilas working some of the games? Isn't "Duke Boy" ESPN's property? Bilas is very talented and I prefer him to many other sportscasters (see below), but I don't understand why CBS is using him and not one of their own like Gus Johnson.

PLEASE CBS: Do not let Billy Packer call any more Carolina games. I can't stand the glee in his voice when a call goes against the Heels.

Weekly Random Thoughts on the Yankees

Wang's starting the season on the DL. DAMN!

You People In NYC Don't Know How Good You've Got It

Too Much Joy is reuniting for one show on May 4th at The Knitting Factory. I'm hoping if the show sells out, the band will mount a nationwide tour. (Story credit: Bill Childs)

And In Case You Ignored Me Last Weekend

You really need to watch The Riches on FX.

Sunday Morning Hangover

Here are some of the more interesting/entertaining posts I've come across this week:

• Danny dreams of nailing celebrities.
• Darren's daughter is the Rachel of her kindergarten class.
• Dutch proves that in addition to being a great writer, he's also an excellent artist.
• Liz pitches a pregnancy-centric episode of Sesame Street.
• Sarah gets her money's worth from preschool.

Song of the day: I Wanna Be Your Man by LA Guns

The Cynic Doesn't Fall Too Far From The Tree

On Monday, Zoey's preschool class observed St. Patrick's Day. To celebrate, the teachers ransacked the classroom. Seriously. It looked worse than a mid-80s Motley Crue hotel room. They turned the tables over, the toys and pencils and papers were everywhere, trashcans were emptied onto the floor, etc. There may or may not have been an exhausted stripper in the corner.

Seems a band of leprechauns had been playing in the room and left before they cleaned up their mess. How did the kids know this? The evidence: tiny footprints, clover on the floor, and green pixie dust in different areas of the room.

Zoey talked about this nonstop on the way home from school on Monday. She asked, "Daddy? Are leprechauns real?"

No wanting to lie to her, I replied, "Who else could have made that mess?"

"My teachers."

Four years old and she's already a cynic. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

I suck as a parent.

Audience Participation Time

When it comes to myths like Santa, leprechauns, the Easter Bunny, and Bigfoot*, I lie to my children. I figure there's only so many years of youthful innocence so I try not to speed up the process. What do you do? Do you tell your children the truth about Santa and the others? Or just wait until some jerk schoolmate crushes their souls one day?

*Actually, I know Bigfoot exists. And I'll prove it one day when my wife and I retire to a Unabomber cabin in the Pacific Northwest (but only after we're done touring the nation in the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile).

Song of the day: A Quick One While He's Away by The Who

Because I Haven't Written About Music In Three Weeks!

Mamatulip tagged me with a music meme (note to anyone who cares about such things: if you ever want to get me to do a meme or talk your ear off, just mention music). I'm supposed to list seven songs I'm into Right Now This Very Minute. Since there have only been about six or seven albums released since 2002 (I stopped keeping up with the latest/hippest/coolest bands (or even top 40) around the time my daughter was born), I can't list seven songs I'm into Right Now that are actually popular Right Now.

But since I just made a mix CD on Friday morning for the drive to my weekend fishing/drinking/poker/basketball trip with the guys, I decided to list the first seven songs from that CD that I could find on YouTube so you can hear the songs. Cool?

Warning: This list, like my Top 100 Albums Of All Time, pretty much proves I have no taste. Actually, three of the following seven songs are by artists from my Top 100 list. I'm going to be one of those old men who, at age 70, listens to the same songs that were popular when he was 18. Which means I should probably just tear the knobs off my radio now. It's dead to me.

Kings of Leon Molly's Chambers
Yeah, this is the song from that Jetta commercial where the couple's funky dancing pisses off their neighbor. I've stopped listening to college radio and Top 40, but I haven't stopped watching television. That's where I go now to find music: television commercials. I suck.

Jellyfish Baby's Coming Back
Pure ear candy.

Junkyard Simple Man
I think I listened to this song for a good year until I realized it was "don't throw your pennies in the wishing well" and not "don't throw your panties in the wishing well." I'm a moron. But I still like my version better.

Atom & His Package Punk Rock Academy
This is a fan-made video made from anime clips. If you're not familiar with this song, please take a listen (it contains part of Eddie Money's Take Me Home Tonight (I'm not sure if this is a selling point or not)). This is one of my favorite artists of all time.

The Polyphonic Spree Lithium
Yup, it's a cover of the Nirvana song. Another fan-made video, this is not a complete copy of the song, but the video is so funny I just had to link to it. Watching this makes me really miss The Sifl & Olly Show.

The Bastard Fairies We're All Going To Hell
If you're very religious or have no sense of humor, do not listen to this song. If you end up liking this song, you can download their entire album for free here.

Kari Kimmel It's Not Just Make Believe
I like to put at least one song for Zoey on every mix I make. This is one of her favorite songs. It's pure teenybopper bubblegum music that namedrops the Disney Princesses. I don't like it. Not even one bit. Ok. Maybe I like it a little bit. Actually, I like it entirely too much.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if this looks like fun and you decide to do it, let me know so I can check out your list.

Stuff Only I Care About XXXVI

No Turning Back

I have spent the last thirty-one hours on a getaway with the guys. We've been watching the tourney, playing poker, drinking heavily, fishing, and grilling steaks at a friend's lake house. Between this weekend and last weekend, I am officially spoiled. So who wants to watch my kids next weekend?

Unmasked

Tyler Hansbrough played without his mask tonight and WENT OFF against Michigan State: 33 points and 9 boards!

And Before I Forget

How exciting was it to see Coach K and his gang of underachievers bow out in the first round? Somewhere, Duke Vitale still weeps.

My Picks

I should've posted this before the actual tournament, but here's my Final 4: Florida, Kansas, UNC, and A&M with UNC beating Kansas in the final (I'm such a homer).

A Different Tournament

Stefan at Zooglobble is having a little March Madness of his own: he's having his readers pick their favorite children's music video, tournament-style. I'm hoping AudraRox upsets Steve Burns.

Like Candy?

MotherBumper has started a candy exchange program. She's pairing American and Canadian readers to send candies to each other. You can sign up if you're interested.

Weekly Random Thoughts On The Yankees

With only two weeks until the start of the season, I have but one small request: PLEASE KEEP ALL MICROPHONES, CAMERAS, AND REPORTERS AWAY FROM A-ROD! It would be nice to go a day or so without hearing him say something stupid or detrimental to the team.

If You Like Weeds

You should be watching The Riches on FX. Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver are conmen who assume the roles of a wealthy deceased husband and wife and move into their home. Dark, funny stuff.

Sunday Morning Hangover

Here are some of the more interesting/entertaining posts I've come across this week:

• A Different Kind Of Girl lives in a magical place where the lawns smell of cookies and the women sit around half-naked.
• Eliza discovers the truth about Roy G. Biv.
• Lindsay welcomes her son Jack into the world.
• Misfit Hausfrau learns about mermaid breasts.

Song of the day: Barbarella by Scott Weiland

An Odd Evening Turns Into An Odder Morning

The kids and I were sitting at the kitchen table last night, eating our healthy meal from McDonald's (at least I substituted their fries with apples, so kiss it). We heard the doorknob turning.

"Mommy's home!" Zoey yelled. Ella was working late. "No, that can't be Mommy," I told her. "She would've called first."

I went to the front door, expecting to see one of the neighborhood kids. It wouldn't have been the first time one of them has walked right in our house to see if Zoey could play. Instead, I saw the elderly woman who lived across the street.

"Can I use your phone?" she asked. "Sure," I said, handing her my cellular phone. She had a sheet of paper with three phone numbers written on them. She was having trouble dialing the numbers, so I offered to dial them for her. The first one went to voice mail, the second one was disconnected, and no one answered the third one. She thanked me and left.

This morning, when I was hauling the trash to the curb, she came over again and asked to use the phone. She called a number and left a message along the lines, "My car's broken down and I left my cell phone at work. Give me a call when you get this." I thought it was strange that she would tell someone to call her when she obviously didn't have a phone, but I didn't say anything about it.

About 10:00 AM this morning, I heard a knock at the door. It was the same woman. She asked to use the phone again. "I need to call my daughter," she said. She stood there talking to her daughter and I heard her say, "I have no way to get to work." That's when I told her I'd be glad to take her to work. She said, "No, you've got your little boy to take care of." I insisted until she finally agreed.

But then I asked her where she worked. "Downtown," she said. "Where is it?" I asked.

"I don't know," she answered. That's when she explained to me that she had a disease (it wasn't Alzheimer's or dementia, but I'm sure it was something like the two) and she had trouble remembering things. That's when everything started clicking: the turning of our doorknob instead of ringing the doorbell, the long list of numbers on a sheet of paper, etc.

"Do you know anything that's near where you work?" I asked. "There's a newspaper rack out front." Of course, there are newspaper racks every block downtown, so that didn't help. I told her to go home and get ready and I'd be by to pick her up in ten minutes. I called Ella to let her know what was going on just in case I wasn't back home in enough time to pick up Zoey from preschool.

When I got to her house, she had a business card that had the name of the place where she worked and the address. Luckily, I knew the street so we started on our journey.

Along the way, she told me that she actually owned the business. I felt really sorry for her, owning a business that she couldn't tell me the name of or where it was located. She told me her family lives in another state and they've been trying to get her to move in with them and she's finally coming to terms that it would be in her best interest to do so.

When we pulled in the parking lot, I didn't know if I should go in with her just to make sure everything was okay. But then I saw her sole employee that she had told me about. Since he was the guy that also mows her lawn, I assumed she would be alright. I gave her my phone number and told her if she ever needed anything, even if it was in the middle of the night, not to hesitate to call us. She thanked me and went inside the building.

As soon as I got back home, I called my Mom just to see how she was doing.

Song of the day: It's Oh So Quiet by Bjork

The Weekend

FINALLY

Ella and I were finally able to get away for a weekend sans kids. We tried to do this back in January, but it didn't work out so hot. It was nice to just have some time to ourselves for a change (this was the first time we went anywhere overnight without the kids in over four-and-a-half years). Hopefully, we won't have to wait five more years to do it again!

GROANING

I went into Oilily for the first time during our vacation. In order to afford anything in that store, you have to be able to wipe your ass with twenties. It's crazy! $200 for a sweater the kid will outgrow in a few months? I'll pass.

MOANING

Caught Black Snake Moan on Saturday night. Definitely worth checking out.

BEMOANING

The independent record store is officially dead. I know it's been on life support for some time, but the town we vacationed at used to have seven or eight really cool (non-chain) record shops. Now there's only one left.

I really miss going into a record store and spending an afternoon thumbing through the stacks and discovering new music.

ADVICE TO ANYONE WHO OWNS A MALL

We went to a mall on Sunday afternoon. They had a nice area with sofas and three plasma television sets, all tuned to the ACC Championship game. Ella was able to shop in peace and I was able to watch Carolina slip by State. Everyone wins!

They should have these areas in every mall.

MORE ON THE HEELS

Christ, their road to the Final Four will be a tough one. They're lumped in the East with Georgetown (who have looked unbeatable lately) and Texas. And before they even have to worry about either of those teams, they'll have to get past the Marquette-Michigan State winner.

Song of the day: Freak Of The Week by Marvelous 3

Parenting Tips For The Overly Neurotic: Always Screen Your Children's Videos

We used to love The Berenstain Bears. Their books are like The Great American Sitcom: you've got Mama Bear, the wise, no-nonsense matriarch; Papa Bear, the bumbling, fumbling oaf; and Brother and Sister Bear, their mischievous offspring. And just like any long-running sitcom, once their fan base began to dwindle, Mama Bear popped out another cub, Honey Bear, just to keep the people coming back for more!

But unlike most sitcoms, every book in The Berenstain Bears series is A Very Special Episode. There are titles such as The Berenstain Bears And The Bad Habit, The Berenstain Bears' Trouble At School, and The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners. If your child has a problem, the bears are there to solve it. Kid scared of the dentist? Have him read The Berenstain Bears Visit The Dentist. Kid doesn't pick up after himself? Have him read The Berenstain Bears And The Messy Room.

The Berenstain Bears have taught Zoey many valuable lessons. But they also taught her something I wasn't quite ready for her to learn yet. Or ever.

This afternoon, I came downstairs after putting the laundry in the dryer and peeked into the living room to see what the kids were doing. Zed was sitting on the floor and Zoey was sitting across from him. She had his sippy cup on the floor between them. I watched her spin the sippy cup. When the sippy cup stopped, she said, "It landed on you!" and gave Zed a kiss.

Zoey was playing Spin The Bottle.

For those of you who don't quite understand the gravity of the situation, let me put it in simpler terms:

MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER WAS PLAYING SPIN THE FUCKING BOTTLE WITH HER BROTHER!!!

Cynical Dad: Reinforcing Southern Stereotypes.

I ran into the room yelling, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Playing Spin The Bottle," she answered nonchalantly. She even knew the game's name.

"Who taught you that game?" I demanded, ready to pick up the phone and have an impromptu parent-parent conference with the breeder of the child that had poisoned Zoey's mind. But before I could fully whip myself into a frenzy of self-righteous indignation, she answered, "The Berenstain Bears."

Stunned, I began leafing through the Card Catalog Of My Mind that housed the contents of the Cynical Dad Library. "Zoey, I can't think of any Berenstain Bears book that talks about Spin The Bottle. Are you telling me the truth?"

"YES! It's a video, not a book," she hissed at me, angry that I dared question her.

"We don't own a Berenstain Bears video!" I shot back.

"YES WE DO! Mommy bought it at the yard sale!" So I walked into the playroom, looked at the stack of videos she was allowed to watch during Quiet/Nap Time, and sure enough, a Berenstain Bears video was there. I popped it into the VCR and fast-forwarded the tape until I came to the scene in question. The Spin The Bottle portion probably only received six or seven seconds of screen time, but it was long enough to make an impression on Zoey. So I ejected the video and put it on top of the Tower Of Choking Hazards And Toys/Games Of Questionable Content.

Maybe we'll revisit the Berenstain Bears later down the road. I'm sure we'll eventually cross the Bears' path again when we're in need of such titles as The Berenstain Bears: Sister Bear Is A Heather, The Berenstain Bears And The Creepy Instant Messaging Guy, or The Berenstain Bears And Brother Bear's First Spliff.

GHS: 9

Update: Since so many of you asked, the video in question is The Berenstain Bears And Too Much Birthday, which is also a book in the series (I do not know if the book also contains Spin The Bottle). At the party for Sister Bear's sixth birthday, they decide to play Spin The Bottle (along with other less-threatening games like Pin The Tail On The Donkey) but Sister wusses out and kisses Brother Bear.

Song of the day: Grey Cell Green by Ned's Atomic Dustbin

Judging A Book By Its Author

While Zed and I were home watching Carolina complete their sweep of Duke, Zoey and Ella went shopping for a book. Every month, two students from Zoey's preschool class are chosen to purchase a book and donate it to the class. The class keeps the books for a month and then donates them to charity. March is Zoey's month.

Right when Billy Packer started bitching about Gerald Henderson getting ejected for bloodying Tyler Hansbrough's nose (Packer claimed Henderson was "going for the ball" despite the fact the ball was nowhere near Hansbrough, much less up his nose), the phone rang.

Me: Hello?
Ella: We're on our way back. You need anything?
Me: I'm fine. What book did you get? A princess book?
Ella: No. Some book by Jamie Lee Curtis.
Me: WHAT?
Ella: Some book by Jamie--
Me: I heard you. Why did you buy her that book?
Ella: Because we both liked it. It's a book about self-esteem. It's got some really great illustrations.
Me: She was TOPLESS in Trading Places. What were you thinking?
Ella: I wasn't thinking about her boobs when I bought it.
Me: It's a Baptist preschool. What are they going to think?
Ella: That it's a great book about self-esteem.
Me: She was in horror movies!
Ella: I'm hanging up now.

My superhero power is the ability to overanalyze even the most mundane situation and find/create the negative in it. Unfortunately, this skill doesn't come in too handy for my fellow man. Which is why I don't get to wear a cape in public.

But the book is pretty cool. And it does have some great illustrations.

Hopefully Zoey's teachers agree.

Sorry I've been away so long. I've been quite sick the past week. It started on Tuesday and I finally went to the doctor on Thursday. The doctor was convinced I had the flu, so she ran a flu test on me. Which, in case you've never had a flu test, means they stick a long cotton swab inside your nostril and use it to scrape the top of your skull. When that test came back negative, she did a blood test to see if it was something bacterial. When that came back negative, she shrugged her shoulders and said, "It's viral. It'll pass eventually." I've had a fever (twice reaching above 103) for the past five days along with a nasty cough and cold and just a general achy feeling. I've been quite a joy to be around.

Song of the day: The Emperor's New Clothes by Sinead O'Connor